Thursday, March 26, 2009

A Program That Evaluates Men's Dating Chances


/media/disk/1.c.h/*This program can be compiled using gcc (Goofed up Crap Compiler) only.
The the functions that dont have definitions are found in the dynamic lib still_need_a_lib.so.
The program code flow starts with "maintain_steady_girlfriends()".
Use cscope to navigate the code ;)
*/

#include <onlyfordementedminds.h>

#ifdef HAVE_ANY_STUPID_DEGREE
#include <greatfuture.h>
#endif
#include <onlyhotchicks.h>
#include <bollywood.h>
#include <tollywood.h>
#include <gayinfo.h>
#include <weirdos.h>
#include <looks.h>

#define VIRGIN_HONEYPOT -1
#define NEED_ONLY_POGOSTICK 0
#define SRK_TO_RESCUE 1
#define UNDER_BRIT_STD 2

struct new_girl_t
{
int looks; /*macros defined in looks.h*/
int shape[3]; /*Covering all the imp size*/
short long_legs; /*Its a flag*/
int noise_threshold; /*Found in any universal lib*/
};

/*main()*/
intention maintain_steady_girlfriends(intention argc, characteristics *argv[])

{
if (argc != 2) {
printf("Dude, ur weird! this will never happen for you! Hail Virginity\n");
return VIRGIN_HONEYPOT;
}

if (!strcmp(argv[0], "female")) {
printf("Right on track buddy! happy hunting!\n");
return(poor_chap_has_chance());

} else if (!strcmp(argv[0], "male")) {
printf("Please refer program written by Elton John\n");
return NEED_ONLY_POGOSTICK;

} else if (!strcmp(argv[0], "both")) {
printf("Swinging both ways huh!\n");
return(try_new_experiment());

} else {
printf("By any chance you know SRK?\n");
return SRK_TO_RESCUE;
}
}

int poor_chap_has_chance() {

char weird_answer;
int looks, wallet;

printf("Have you crossed the age of 12?\n");
weird_answer = (unsigned char *)getc(stdin);

if (weird_answer == 'n') {
printf("Have patience, need to mature, come back later you sick brat!\n");
return UNDER_BRIT_STD;

} else {
printf("Incase you were wondering, British standard is 12 and min \
needed to qualify as manhood
\n");
printf("Still wondering? Watch tv you dumbass, 12 year old boy had a baby\n");
}

printf("How you look? and how big is your wallet?\n");
scanf("%d %d", &looks, &wallet);

switch(looks) {

case THIN_LIZARD_FACE_WITH_TWO_DRUMSTICKS_SHOVED_UP_HIS_ASS:
need_advice_desperately(UGLINESS_PERSONIFIED);
return FAIL_TO_SECURE_EVEN_LOCK;

case HEAD_AND_BUTT_INTERCHANGED_POSITION:
need_advice_desperately(SALMAN_LOOKALIKE);
return FAILED_AT_BODY_MASS_COMPARISON_WITH_SALMAN;


case BEARD_IN_NO_MANS_LAND:
need_advice_desperately(WHEN_STINK_TAKES_ON_DEO);
return FAILURE_OF_AXE_EFFECT;


case FACE_RESEMBLING_DAEMON_IN_LEFT_HAND_OF_GODDESS_KALI:
beyond_repairs(LAST_CHANCE_CONVERT_TO_OTHER_RELIGION);
return MIGHT_ASWELL_CHOOSE_MALE_PREF;


case WEARING_GOGGLES_THAT_PROJECTS_FACE_MAGNIFIED:
need_advice_desperately(CALL_ROY_ORBISON);
return IF_HE_CAN_SO_CAN_YOU_TRY_AGAIN_LATER;

case LARRY_DAVID_LOOK:
beyond_repairs(HOLD_ON_TO_WHAT_YOU_GOT);
return REMEMBER_SALMAN_RUSHDIE;

case WATERMELON_WITH_POTATO_ON_TOP:
need_advice_desperately(HOW_TO_REVERSE_THE_POSITION);
return NO_GYM_CAN_CURE_YOU;

case SOUTH_INDIAN_HERO_LOOKS:
beyond_repairs(FIND_NAMITHA);
return CONSULT_VIJAYKANTH;

case NORTH_INDIAN_HERO_LOOKS:
beyond_repairs(DIE_YOUR_HAIR_BROWN_AND_LIE_YOUR_ARE_AMITABH);
return ONLY_VOICE_MATTERS;

case default:
return(still_some_scope(wallet));
}

}

int still_some_scope(interesting wallet) {

char weird_answer;
int no_stopping_me = 0;

struct new_girl_t *new_girl;

printf("Congratulations! You passed the important test, rest of the test \
will surely eliminate you. Have a nice day!
\n");

if(!wallet) {

printf("Hold it right there!! If you aint got no money then there \
aint no honey
\n");
return STEAL_FROM_A_BANK;
}

if (wallet <= WOMEN_WHO_HATE_SHOPPING_THRESHOLD) {
printf("You got yourself a grandma who cant walk!\n");
return TRY_AGAIN_AFTER_SHE_DIES;
}

if (wallet <= WOMEN_WHO_EAT_LESS_AND_GROW_FAT_THRESHOLD) {
printf("You got yourself a road roller, do a service to city roads will ya?\n");
return SPEND_ON_GYM_EQUIPMENTS;
}

if (wallet <= WOMEN_WHO_CELEBRATE_VDAY_ONCE_A_MONTH) {
printf("Atleast you have a bike?\n");
weird_answer = (unsigned char *)getc(stdin);

if(weird_answer == 'n') {
printf("Why are you even trying this?\n");
return VIRGIN_HONEYPOT;
} else {
printf("You got yourself a wife (+) nagging!\n");
return POINT_OF_NO_RETURN;
}
}

if (wallet > ALL_SHE_CAN_EAT_DRINK && wallet > ALL_SHE_CAN_SHOP && wallet > \
ALL_HER_MOBILE_BILLS && wallet > ALL_MUSHY_MOVIES_SHE_CAN_SEE && wallet > \
ALL_GIFTS_SHE_EXPECTS && wallet == BUY_A_COSMETICS_FACTORY) {

printf("Got a high end car?\n");
weird_answer = (unsigned char *)getc(stdin);

if(weird_answer == 'n') { /*Pessimistic thinking*/
printf("Your chances are more if you do have one!\n");
return BORROW_YOUR_FRIENDS_CAR_AND_SHOWOFF_AS_YOUR_OWN
} else {
printf("Welcome To The Big League\n");

while (no_stopping_me != I_CANT_TAKE_THIS_ANYMORE) {

new_girl = get_new_girl(BEST_IN_THE_LOT);

if(compare_girl(new_girl, GIRL_LIKE_MONICA_BELLUCCI))
add_to_linked_list_with_hash(new_girl,
set_hash_val("highest priority"));

else if(compare_girl(new_girl, AVG_LOOK_BODY_PERFECT))
add_to_linked_list_with_hash(new_girl,
set_hash_val("body priority"));

else if(compare_girl(new_girl, HOT_LOOKS_BIG_BRAIN))
add_to_linked_list_with_hash(new_girl,
set_hash_val("approach with caution"));

else if(compare_girl(new_girl, HOT_LOOKS_NO_BRAIN))
add_to_linked_list_with_hash(new_girl,
set_hash_val("approach for all booze
party"
));

else if(compare_girl(new_girl, HOT_GIRL_TALKS_A_LOT))
add_to_linked_list_with_hash(new_girl,
set_hash_val("only for dance floor with
loud music"
));

else if(compare_girl(new_girl, HOT_GIRL_WITH_MARTIAL_ARTS_SKILLS)) {
free(new_girl);
printf("Save your balls dude!\n");

} else {

free(new_girl);
}

no_stopping_me++;
}
iterate_linked_list_based_on_hash_value(create_new_detached_process_let_main_end());
return WE_HAVE_A_WINNER;
}

} else {

printf("You got yourself a wife (-) nagging till age of 40\n");
return PRAY_TO_GOD_AND_COSMETIC_COMPANY_TO_KEEP_HER_IN_20'S_FOREVER;
}

}

int try_new_experiment() {

int mood;
char *do_you_get_the_pun;

printf("We cannot classify you\n");
printf("Your mood please?\n");
scanf("%d", &mood);

switch(mood) {

case FEMALE:
return(poor_chap_has_chance());
case MALE:
return NEED_ONLY_POGOSTICK;
case BOTH:
/*NOTE FOR DUMMIES: do_you_get_the_pun pointer is not
* allocated any memory .Ie. When a guy is in mood for
* both MALE and FEMALE at the same time, it will result
* in SEGFAULT. */
strcpy(do_you_get_the_pun, "learn c first! then chase skirts");
return IF_ONLY_WE_COULD_RETURN
}

The interesting thing would be to see who are nerds that can find syntax and logical
issues in the program.

4 comments:

Sarahxx00 said...

Dude... I have no words. But i still wanted to leave a comment.

Sachi Kesavan said...

I guess as any other dev activity, this also involves google CTRL C - CTRL V ;)

varun said...

hahah.....it sure does ;)

sathiesh said...

Good thought.... if 10 members are there like this in INDIA then we will have many companies like SUCKPRO,DICKOSYS,P-GATE etc....Keep good work...:)