A Program That Evaluates Men's Dating Chances

/*This program can be compiled using gcc (Goofed up Crap Compiler) only. 

The the functions that dont have definitions are found in the dynamic lib still_need_a_lib.so. 

The program code flow starts with "maintain_steady_girlfriends()".

Use cscope to navigate the code ;)*/



#include <onlyfordementedminds.h>



#ifdef HAVE_ANY_STUPID_DEGREE

#include <greatfuture.h>

#endif

#include <onlyhotchicks.h>

#include <bollywood.h>

#include <tollywood.h>

#include <gayinfo.h>

#include <weirdos.h>

#include <looks.h>



#define VIRGIN_HONEYPOT         -1

#define NEED_ONLY_POGOSTICK     0

#define SRK_TO_RESCUE           1

#define UNDER_BRIT_STD          2



struct new_girl_t

{

       int looks;    /*macros defined in looks.h*/

       int shape[3]; /*Covering all the imp size*/

       short long_legs; /*Its a flag*/

       int noise_threshold; /*Found in any universal lib*/

};



/*main()*/

intention maintain_steady_girlfriends(intention argc, characteristics *argv[])



{

       if (argc != 2) {

               printf("Dude, ur weird! this will never happen for you! Hail Virginity\n");

               return VIRGIN_HONEYPOT;

       }



       if (!strcmp(argv[0], "female")) {

               printf("Right on track buddy! happy hunting!\n");

               return(poor_chap_has_chance());



       } else if (!strcmp(argv[0], "male")) {

               printf("Please refer program written by Elton John\n");

               return NEED_ONLY_POGOSTICK;



       } else if (!strcmp(argv[0], "both")) {

               printf("Swinging both ways huh!\n");

               return(try_new_experiment());



       } else {

               printf("By any chance you know SRK?\n");

               return SRK_TO_RESCUE;

       }

}



int poor_chap_has_chance() {



       char weird_answer;

       int  looks, wallet;



       printf("Have you crossed the age of 12?\n");

       weird_answer = (unsigned char *)getc(stdin);



       if (weird_answer == 'n') {

               printf("Have patience, need to mature, come back later you sick brat!\n");

               return UNDER_BRIT_STD;



       } else {

               printf("Incase you were wondering, British standard is 12 and min \

                      needed to qualify as manhood\n");

               printf("Still wondering? Watch tv you dumbass, 12 year old boy had a baby\n");

       }



       printf("How you look? and how big is your wallet?\n");

       scanf("%d %d", &looks, &wallet);



       switch(looks) {



               case THIN_LIZARD_FACE_WITH_TWO_DRUMSTICKS_SHOVED_UP_HIS_ASS:

                               need_advice_desperately(UGLINESS_PERSONIFIED);

                               return FAIL_TO_SECURE_EVEN_LOCK;



               case HEAD_AND_BUTT_INTERCHANGED_POSITION:

                               need_advice_desperately(SALMAN_LOOKALIKE);

                               return FAILED_AT_BODY_MASS_COMPARISON_WITH_SALMAN;



             

               case BEARD_IN_NO_MANS_LAND:

                               need_advice_desperately(WHEN_STINK_TAKES_ON_DEO);

                               return FAILURE_OF_AXE_EFFECT;





               case FACE_RESEMBLING_DAEMON_IN_LEFT_HAND_OF_GODDESS_KALI:

                               beyond_repairs(LAST_CHANCE_CONVERT_TO_OTHER_RELIGION);

                               return MIGHT_ASWELL_CHOOSE_MALE_PREF;





               case WEARING_GOGGLES_THAT_PROJECTS_FACE_MAGNIFIED:

                               need_advice_desperately(CALL_ROY_ORBISON);

                               return IF_HE_CAN_SO_CAN_YOU_TRY_AGAIN_LATER;



               case LARRY_DAVID_LOOK:

                               beyond_repairs(HOLD_ON_TO_WHAT_YOU_GOT);

                               return REMEMBER_SALMAN_RUSHDIE;



               case WATERMELON_WITH_POTATO_ON_TOP:

                               need_advice_desperately(HOW_TO_REVERSE_THE_POSITION);

                               return NO_GYM_CAN_CURE_YOU;



               case SOUTH_INDIAN_HERO_LOOKS:

                               beyond_repairs(FIND_NAMITHA);

                               return CONSULT_VIJAYKANTH;



               case NORTH_INDIAN_HERO_LOOKS:

                               beyond_repairs(DIE_YOUR_HAIR_BROWN_AND_LIE_YOUR_ARE_AMITABH);

                               return ONLY_VOICE_MATTERS;



               case default:

                               return(still_some_scope(wallet));

       }     



}



int still_some_scope(interesting wallet) {



       char weird_answer;

       int no_stopping_me = 0;



       struct new_girl_t *new_girl;



       printf("Congratulations! You passed the important test, rest of the test \

              will surely eliminate you. Have a nice day!\n");



       if(!wallet) {



               printf("Hold it right there!! If you aint got no money then there \

                     aint no honey\n");

               return STEAL_FROM_A_BANK;

       }



       if (wallet <= WOMEN_WHO_HATE_SHOPPING_THRESHOLD) {

               printf("You got yourself a grandma who cant walk!\n");

               return TRY_AGAIN_AFTER_SHE_DIES;

       }



       if (wallet <= WOMEN_WHO_EAT_LESS_AND_GROW_FAT_THRESHOLD) {

               printf("You got yourself a road roller, do a service to city roads will ya?\n");

               return SPEND_ON_GYM_EQUIPMENTS;

       }



       if (wallet <= WOMEN_WHO_CELEBRATE_VDAY_ONCE_A_MONTH) {

               printf("Atleast you have a bike?\n");

               weird_answer = (unsigned char *)getc(stdin);



               if(weird_answer == 'n') {

                       printf("Why are you even trying this?\n");

                       return VIRGIN_HONEYPOT;

               } else {

                       printf("You got yourself a wife (+) nagging!\n");

                       return POINT_OF_NO_RETURN;

               }

       }



       if (wallet > ALL_SHE_CAN_EAT_DRINK && wallet > ALL_SHE_CAN_SHOP && wallet > \

          ALL_HER_MOBILE_BILLS && wallet > ALL_MUSHY_MOVIES_SHE_CAN_SEE &&  wallet > \

          ALL_GIFTS_SHE_EXPECTS && wallet == BUY_A_COSMETICS_FACTORY) {



               printf("Got a high end car?\n");

               weird_answer = (unsigned char *)getc(stdin);



                if(weird_answer == 'n') { /*Pessimistic thinking*/

                       printf("Your chances are more if you do have one!\n");

                       return BORROW_YOUR_FRIENDS_CAR_AND_SHOWOFF_AS_YOUR_OWN

               } else {

                       printf("Welcome To The Big League\n");                      



                       while (no_stopping_me != I_CANT_TAKE_THIS_ANYMORE) {



                               new_girl = get_new_girl(BEST_IN_THE_LOT);



                               if(compare_girl(new_girl, GIRL_LIKE_MONICA_BELLUCCI))

                                       add_to_linked_list_with_hash(new_girl,

                                                        set_hash_val("highest priority"));



                               else if(compare_girl(new_girl, AVG_LOOK_BODY_PERFECT))

                                       add_to_linked_list_with_hash(new_girl,

                                                        set_hash_val("body priority"));



                               else if(compare_girl(new_girl, HOT_LOOKS_BIG_BRAIN))

                                       add_to_linked_list_with_hash(new_girl,

                                                        set_hash_val("approach with caution"));



                               else if(compare_girl(new_girl, HOT_LOOKS_NO_BRAIN))

                                      add_to_linked_list_with_hash(new_girl,

                                                       set_hash_val("approach for all booze

                                                      party"));



                               else if(compare_girl(new_girl, HOT_GIRL_TALKS_A_LOT))

                                      add_to_linked_list_with_hash(new_girl,

                                                       set_hash_val("only for dance floor with

                                                      loud music"));



                               else if(compare_girl(new_girl, HOT_GIRL_WITH_MARTIAL_ARTS_SKILLS)) {

                                      free(new_girl);

                                       printf("Save your balls dude!\n");



                               } else {



                                       free(new_girl);

                               }



                               no_stopping_me++;

                       }

                       iterate_linked_list_based_on_hash_value(create_new_detached_process_let_main_end());

                       return WE_HAVE_A_WINNER;   

               }                     



       } else {



               printf("You got yourself a wife (-) nagging till age of 40\n");

               return PRAY_TO_GOD_AND_COSMETIC_COMPANY_TO_KEEP_HER_IN_20'S_FOREVER;

       }



}     



int try_new_experiment() {



       int mood;

       char *do_you_get_the_pun;



       printf("We cannot classify you\n");

       printf("Your mood please?\n");

       scanf("%d", &mood);



       switch(mood) {



               case FEMALE:

                               return(poor_chap_has_chance());

               case MALE:

                               return  NEED_ONLY_POGOSTICK;

               case BOTH:

                              /*NOTE FOR DUMMIES: do_you_get_the_pun pointer is not

                               * allocated any memory .Ie. When a guy is in mood for

                               * both MALE and FEMALE at the same time, it will result

                               * in SEGFAULT. */

                               strcpy(do_you_get_the_pun, "learn c first! then chase skirts");

                               return IF_ONLY_WE_COULD_RETURN

}



The interesting thing would be to see who are nerds that can find syntax and logical

issues in the program.